Joke

[Buzzard]

Going to church in Chicago

> When I heard that Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson were guest preachers
> at a nearby church, I decided to go there and check them out in
> person.
>
> As soon as I sat down, Reverend Sharpton came over to me. I don't know
> why, maybe it was because I was the only white person in the church?
> He laid his hands on my shoulder and said: "By the will of Jesus the
> Lord Almighty, and the will of God, you will walk today." I told him I
> was not paralyzed.
>
> Then Rev.Jesse Jackson came by and said: "By the Grace of God, and His
> Son Jesus, the Lord Almighty, you will walk today". Again, I said that
> there is nothing wrong with me.
>
> After the sermon, I stepped outside, and lo and behold they were
> right...
>
> My car was gone.

[6hk71400]

1. If my body were a car I would trade it in a newer model…every time I cough sneeze or sputter my radiator leaks and my exhaust backfires.
2. Allow me to politely suggest this be the year you start lying about your age.
3. At my age, the only pole dancing I do is to hold on to the safety bar in the bathtub.
4. How are stars like false teeth? They both come out at night!
5. You know you're getting older when you have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
6. You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." —Bob Hope'
7. I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do." —Phyllis Diller
8. I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes." —Andy Rooney
9. You know you're getting older when you're told to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police." —Joan Rivers
10. By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere." —Billy Crystal

Okay enough with the old jokes

Bob Miles
The older we get, the earlier it gets late.

[Buzzard]

Bob,
Before the invention of television, how did people fall asleep at night?
Bill

[6hk71400]

Bob,
Before the invention of television, how did people fall asleep at night?
Bill

Bill,

I don't know unless you rocked yourself to sleep. If that didn't work, you got a bigger rock? Badda Bing Badda Boom

Bob Miles
Bill give us all the correct answer

[Buzzard]

The crew of a British Airways A380 Flt 268 made a wrong turn during taxi

for departure at Heathrow, and came nose to nose with another aircraft. The furious ground controller (a female) started yelling: "Speedbird 268" where

are you going? I instructed you to turn right on 'Charlie' taxiway; you turned right on 'Delta'. Stop right there.
Continuing her verbal lashing of the embarrassed crew, she shouted: "

It'll take forever to sort this out due to your screw up. Hold your position and don't move until I tell you to. You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about a half hour and I expect you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you. You got that?"

The frequency went very quiet until an unknown male pilot broke the silence... "Wasn't I married to you once?"

[Gunslinger]

Studebaker Miata?

[Gunslinger]

Pretty neat toolbox.

[Buzzard]

Yes it is plugged in

[Buzzard]

A lady in The Villages, in Florida (a senior retirement community), was sitting on a bench, near another bench where a gentleman was sitting. She asked him if he was new to the community and he said "no, I have owned a condo here for 20 years". She said, "I have been here for 15 years and I have never seen you around!" He said, "I have been in prison for the last 17 years!" She was stunned, and finally asked him what he had done. He said that he had murdered his first wife! She was stunned again ... and after a long pause she said . “So, you're SINGLE???” ------------------------------

[Gunslinger]

I had a Met once but it was nothing like this...

[Buzzard]

Bruce,
I too had a couple of Mets and agreed, they were NOTHING like this! I bet this is a ride to kick start one's pacemaker,
Bill

[Buzzard]

Men's brain vs women's brain

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29JPnJSmDs0

[Noxnabaker]

Well I've learned that the women-brain-on-constant-stress comes with influences from other women; when young as kid & teenager (& if lucky a bit later too) there aint much stress, they also let life just happen but when becoming "adult" it seems they suddenly one day wake up thinking "oh, all the stuff other females says must be true & I better get to it NOW!"...
But I've been wrong before.

[6hk71400]

What is the difference between ignorance and indifference? I don't know and I don't care.

Bob Miles
Sometimes knowing the difference is enough.

[Buzzard]

Bob,
Ha Ha Ha !!!
Bill