Joke

[Buzzard]

And even more from Indian Hills Community Center:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-i-ZAz9EX3A

[Noxnabaker]

Our 3:rd ship was actually named Mrs. Sippi...

[Buzzard]

Have you heard the one about the fellow with a massive bag of dog food in the checkout line at Costco. The lady behind him asked, "Oh, do you have a dog?"

This annoyed the fellow so he replied, "No, it's for me. I'm restarting the Purina Dog Chow Diet."

"Restart?" said the lady. "Why did you stop?"

"I was in the hospital," he answered

"Were you poisoned by the dog food?" she asked.

"No. While peeing on a fire hydrant, I was hit by a car."

[Buzzard]

[Buzzard]

The list of these wee sayings is ohpun ended.

1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson. 2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled 3. Writing my name in cursive is my signature move. 4. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm 5. If you're bad at haggling, you'll end up paying the price. 6. Just so everyone is clear, I'm going to put my glasses on. 7. A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around. 8. I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene 9. Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars. 10. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer. 11. I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough. 12. My friends and I have named our band 'Duvet'. It's a cover band. 13. I lost my girlfriend's audiobook, and now I'll never hear the end of it. 14. Why is 'dark' spelled with a k and not c? Because you can't see in the dark. 15. Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell. 16. When I told my contractor I didn't want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare. 17. Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, "Oh no, not U2 again." 18. Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it's a whole sentence. 19. Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person's walk, and the result was staggering. 20. I'm trying to organize a hide-and-seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find. 21. I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won't lie, it was a rocky road. 22. What do you say to comfort a friend who's struggling with grammar? There, their, they're 23. I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarzenegger dolls are and he replied, "Aisle B, back." 24. What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self. 25. I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness. . ..

[Gunslinger]

[Buzzard]

Indian Hills strikes again...

[Buzzard]

I'll try this-may not work: Schwartz
https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0?ui=...&disp=safe

[Gunslinger]

[Gunslinger]

[Buzzard]

If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius... "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC . ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas ... ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.." --Al Gore, Vice President ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ...." -- Dan Quayle ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" --Lee Iacocca ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you.. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Feeling smarter yet? Send it on to Your brilliant friends.

[Buzzard]

Juggling from a bygone era.....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6mbW-jMtrY

[6hk71400]

This may be borderline but here goes:

What is the difference between a porcupine and a BMW,Lexus,Mercedes Benz, Honda, Acura, and any small car darting in and out of traffic? Give up? The porcupine has the pricks on the outside

Bob Miles
Just an observation

[Buzzard]

A little biblical humor:

[Gunslinger]

[ddub]

A Seattle institution.