Page 20 of 20 FirstFirst ... 10181920
Results 761 to 788 of 788

Thread: Your Best Joke

  1. #761
    President Member Noxnabaker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Sweden
    Posts
    1,070
    Okidoki Buzzad, that worked!
    & Dave; I tried that now, it sure makes the text small...


    Josephine
    -55
    Champion V8
    4d sedan

  2. #762
    President Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    British Columbia & Arizona
    Posts
    2,622
    Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
    Arlene: What in the hell is that?
    Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
    Arlene: Where did you get it?
    Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
    The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and
    announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
    The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.
    'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
    The pharmacist fainted.



  3. #763
    President Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    British Columbia & Arizona
    Posts
    2,622
    The Sheer Nightgown

    A husband walks into 'Victoria's Secret' to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife.

    He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price... the more sheer, the higher the price.
    Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home.
    He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.
    Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy), 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modelling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.'
    She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

    The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'
    He never heard the shot.
    Funeral on Thursday at Noon. Closed coffin.




















  4. #764
    Silver Hawk Member Studedude's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Perkins, OK, USA.
    Posts
    5,108
    The Sheer Nightgown

    A husband walks into 'Victoria's Secret' to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife.

    He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price... the more sheer, the higher the price.
    Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home.
    He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.
    Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy), 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modelling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.'
    She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

    The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'
    He never heard the shot.
    Funeral on Thursday at Noon. Closed coffin.

    Dave Lester

  5. #765
    President Member Noxnabaker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Sweden
    Posts
    1,070
    Thanx Dave, loads easier that way!


    Josephine
    -55
    Champion V8
    4d sedan

  6. #766
    President Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    British Columbia & Arizona
    Posts
    2,622

    A woman goes to a counselor, worried about her husband’s temper.



    The counselor asks, "What's the problem?


    The woman says, "I don't know what to do. Every day my husband loses his temper for no reason. It scares me."



    The Counselor says, "I have a cure for that. When it seems your husband is getting angry, take a double shot of Jack Daniel's bourbon and swish it in your mouth. Swish and swish, but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."



    Two weeks later, she goes back to the counselor, looking fresh and reborn.


    She tells the counselor, "That was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband started to get angry, I swished the Jack Daniels and he would start to calm down. It was amazing!What is it about Jack Daniels that makes it work like that?



    The counselor said, "The Jack Daniel's does nothing. Keeping your mouth shut is the trick.









    A woman goes to a counselor, worried about her husband’s temper.



    The counselor asks, "What's the problem?


    The woman says, "I don't know what to do. Every day my husband loses his temper for no reason. It scares me."



    The Counselor says, "I have a cure for that. When it seems your husband is getting angry, take a double shot of Jack Daniel's bourbon and swish it in your mouth. Swish and swish, but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."



    Two weeks later, she goes back to the counselor, looking fresh and reborn.


    She tells the counselor, "That was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband started to get angry, I swished the Jack Daniels and he would start to calm down. It was amazing!What is it about Jack Daniels that makes it work like that?



    The counselor said, "The Jack Daniel's does nothing. Keeping your mouth shut is the trick.









  7. #767
    President Member Noxnabaker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Sweden
    Posts
    1,070
    Nope, didn't work with the Ctrl button this time, just made the whole page smaller.
    Keeps me of the streets thou...


    Josephine
    -55
    Champion V8
    4d sedan

  8. #768
    Silver Hawk Member Studedude's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Perkins, OK, USA.
    Posts
    5,108
    A woman goes to a counselor, worried about her husband’s temper.

    The counselor asks, "What's the problem?

    The woman says, "I don't know what to do. Every day my husband loses his temper for no reason. It scares me."

    The Counselor says, "I have a cure for that. When it seems your husband is getting angry, take a double shot of Jack Daniel's bourbon and swish it in your mouth. Swish and swish, but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."

    Two weeks later, she goes back to the counselor, looking fresh and reborn.

    She tells the counselor, "That was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband started to get angry, I swished the Jack Daniels and he would start to calm down. It was amazing!What is it about Jack Daniels that makes it work like that?

    The counselor said, "The Jack Daniel's does nothing. Keeping your mouth shut is the trick.



    Dave Lester

  9. #769
    President Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    British Columbia & Arizona
    Posts
    2,622
    Archie Bunker's Editorial on Gun Control


    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-lDb0Dn8OXE

  10. #770
    President Member Gunslinger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Frederick, Maryland, USA.
    Posts
    4,225
    Poet...Mystic...Soldier of Fortune. As always...self-absorbed, adversarial, cocky and in general a malcontent.

  11. #771
    President Member 55s's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Caledon East, ON, Canada.
    Posts
    1,482
    Lying around, pondering the problems of the world,
    I realized that, at my age, Idon't really give a rat's butt anymore.

    If walking is good for your health, the mailman would be immortal.

    A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but is still fat.

    A rabbit runs, and hops, and only lives 15 years,

    while a tortoise doesn't run, and does mostly nothing,
    yet it lives for 150 years.
    And they tell us to exercise? I don't think so.

    Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:

    1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

    2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

    3. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

    4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

    5. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?

    6. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.

    7. Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant.

    8. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few ofthem.

    9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

    10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

    11. It is hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

    12. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.

    13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

    14. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

    15. It is not hard to meet expenses . . . They're everywhere.

    16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

    17. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .

    I go somewhere to get something,and then wonder what I'm "here after."

    18. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

    19. It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.

    20. Have I sent this message to you before...or did I get it from you?

  12. #772
    Silver Hawk Member Bob Andrews's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Parish, central NY
    Posts
    7,434
    I’m not about to go all the way back and check to see if this has been posted before

    Old Farmer's Advice:

    -Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
    -Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
    -Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
    -A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
    -Words that soak into your ears are whispered... not yelled.
    -Meanness don't just happen overnight.
    -Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
    -Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
    It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
    -You cannot unsay a cruel word.
    -Every path has a few puddles.
    -When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
    -The best sermons are lived, not preached.
    -Most of the stuff people worry about, ain't never gonna happen anyway.
    -Don't judge folks by their relatives.
    -Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
    -Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
    -Don't interfere with something' that ain't bothering you none.
    -Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
    -If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
    -Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
    -The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you from the mirror every morning'.
    -Good judgment comes from experience and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
    -Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
    -If you get to thinking' you're a person of some influence, try ordering' somebody else's dog around.
    -Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and enjoy the ride.
    -Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just shoot you!

  13. #773
    President Member Gunslinger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Frederick, Maryland, USA.
    Posts
    4,225
    Quote Originally Posted by Bob Andrews View Post
    Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just shoot you!
    Beware the old man in a world where men die young.
    Poet...Mystic...Soldier of Fortune. As always...self-absorbed, adversarial, cocky and in general a malcontent.

  14. #774
    President Member Gunslinger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Frederick, Maryland, USA.
    Posts
    4,225
    An 80-year-old Italian




    Russ Buttacovoli, an 80-year-old Italian, goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, 'How do you stay in such great physical condition?'

    I'm Italian and I am a golfer,' says Russ, 'and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a glass of vino, and all is well.'




    "'Well' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your Father when he died?

    "Who said he was dead?"

    The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your Father's still alive. How old is he?'

    'He's 100 years old,' says Russ. 'In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had a little vino and that's why he's still alive. He's Italian and he's a golfer, too.'

    'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Father's Father? How old was he when he died?'

    'Who said my Nonno's dead?'

    Stunned, the doctor asks, 'You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! Incredible, how old is he?'




    'He's 118 years old,' says the Old Italian golfer.

    The doctor is getting frustrated at this point,
    'So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?'

    'No, Nonno couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today.'

    At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married? Why would a 118 year- old guy want to get married?'

    'Who said he wanted to?
    Poet...Mystic...Soldier of Fortune. As always...self-absorbed, adversarial, cocky and in general a malcontent.

  15. #775
    Golden Hawk Member rockne10's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Pine Grove Mills, Pa, USA.
    Posts
    14,432
    Quote Originally Posted by Buzzard View Post
    Archie Bunker's Editorial on Gun Control


    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-lDb0Dn8OXE
    Carroll O'Connor reveled in poking fun at the ill-informed.

  16. #776
    President Member Gunslinger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Frederick, Maryland, USA.
    Posts
    4,225
    A manager in a grocery store watches a pretty blonde as she walks up and down every aisle in the store...searching each shelf...she becomes obviously distraught and begins to cry.

    He approaches and asks if she's ok.

    She replies:
    "I just got married three weeks ago and my husband raves and raves about the muffins his mother made from scratch. I've searched every store in a twenty mile area and I CAN'T FIND SCRATCH ANYWHERE!"
    Poet...Mystic...Soldier of Fortune. As always...self-absorbed, adversarial, cocky and in general a malcontent.

  17. #777
    Speedster Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Location
    Woodinville, WA
    Posts
    474
    Feeling it was time for a shakeup, the company hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall.
    The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"
    A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?"
    The CEO said, "Wait right here."
    He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."
    Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"
    From across the room a voice said, "Delivered us pizza from Domino's ?."
    "Every man I meet on the street is superior to me in some respect, and from that I can learn."
    R.W. Emerson

  18. #778
    President Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    British Columbia & Arizona
    Posts
    2,622
    A good nurse with a
    sense of humor is hard to find!

    JUST THINK!! WE <ALL> NEED A WEE BIT OF A SMILE EVERY NOW & THEN ~~GO AHEAD & SMILE~~ FUNNY EH?





    A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an
    inflamed appendix.




    The doctors operated and advised him that all was
    okay, however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his
    crotch.




    Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't
    told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up
    enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.




    Taped
    firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of
    adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all.







    Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon,
    from the nurse in the Ford Explorer you pulled over last week."

    Kind of brings tears to your eyes
    doesn't it?

  19. #779
    President Member Gunslinger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Frederick, Maryland, USA.
    Posts
    4,225
    More police humor...full disclosure...I was a cop and my wife is an attorney.

    A police officer makes a traffic stop and approaches the offender. "License and registration, please."

    The driver gets all disrespectful and abusive towards the officer. The officer takes it and takes his time filling out the citation and hands it to the driver, along with his license and registration.

    The driver asks gruffly "What's this "AH" you have handwritten in the margins of the ticket?"

    The officer states "If you take this to court which is your right, it's to remind me you were an a$$hole.

    The driver gets even more offended and swears he'll be taking it to court.

    When the court day comes around the offender is there with his expensive attorney. The officer testifies regarding the traffic stop. The attorney asks the officer "Officer...what is this "AH" in the margins and what does it mean?"

    The officer replies calmly..."Counselor...that's my shorthand for reminding me the driver was aggressive and hostile to me during the traffic stop."

    Lawyer..."Are you sure is doesn't the driver is an a$$hole."

    Officer..."Well, Sir...you know your client better than I do."
    Poet...Mystic...Soldier of Fortune. As always...self-absorbed, adversarial, cocky and in general a malcontent.

  20. #780
    Silver Hawk Member Bob Andrews's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Parish, central NY
    Posts
    7,434
    Guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, line me up eight shots of your best bourbon! So the bartender pours them and he starts throwing them back one right after another. Bartender says Gee, buddy, you’re sure drinking those fast, what’s going on? The guy says well if you had what I had, you’d be drinking them fast too. The bartender says oh my God, what do you have? The guy says… only $.75
    Last edited by Bob Andrews; 06-14-2019 at 02:16 PM.

  21. #781
    Golden Hawk Member DEEPNHOCK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Ocala, Florida, USA. Planet Earth
    Posts
    18,197
    A shepherd was herding a large flock in a remote pasture when a brand-new BMW drove up. The driver was a young man all dressed up in an expensive suit. He leaned out the window and said to the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

    The shepherd looked at the man, then looked at his large flock and calmly sure, "Sure, Why not?" The young man parked his car and whipped a small computer and connected it to his cell phone. He surfed the internet and called up a GPS satellite navigation system and got an exact fix on his location. Then the satellite scanned the area and produced an ultra-high-resolution photo which he fed to a processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he received an email and he turned to the shepherd and said, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep."

    The shepherd say, "Wow, that's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep." He watches as the young man selects one of his animals and stuffs it in the trunk of his car.

    Then the shepherd said, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what you do for a living, will you give me back my sheep?" The young man thought about it for a second and said, "Okay, Why not?" And the shepherd says, "You're a consultant." And the young guy said, "Wow! That's correct, but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the shepherd, "You showed up even though nobody called you; you wanted to be paid for something I already knew and you don't know anything about my business.......now give me back my dog."
    HTIH (Hope The Info Helps)

    Jeff


    Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Mark Twain



    Note: SDC# 070190 (and earlier...)

  22. #782
    President Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    British Columbia & Arizona
    Posts
    2,622
    Ecumenical Golf
    The Pope and Golf...
    The Pope met with his Cardinals to discuss a proposal from


    Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel
    "Your Holiness", said one of his Cardinals, “Mr. Netanyahu


    wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the

    friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and

    Catholic faiths.”
    The Pope thought this was a good idea, but he had never


    held a golf club in his hand.
    “Don’t we have a Cardinal to represent me?", he asked.

    "None that plays very well," a Cardinal replied. "But, there’s


    a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a

    devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a Cardinal. Then

    ask him to play Mr Netanyahu as your personal representative.

    In addition to showing our spirit of cooperation, we’ll also win

    the match.”
    Everyone agreed it was a good idea.

    The call was made. Of course, Nicklaus was honored and


    agreed to play.
    The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican


    to inform the Pope of the result. “I have some good news

    and some bad news, your Holiness,"said Nicklaus.
    “Tell me the good news first, Cardinal Nicklaus,”


    said the Pope.
    “Well, your Holiness, I don’t like to brag, but even though


    I’ve played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life,

    this was the best I have ever played, by far. I must have

    been inspired from above. My drives were long and true,

    my irons were accurate and purposeful, and my putting was

    perfect. With all due respect, my play was truly miraculous.”
    “There’s bad news?" asked the Pope.

    “Yes, I lost by three strokes to Rabbi Tiger Woods.




































































































    Ecumenical Golf
    The Pope and Golf...
    The Pope met with his Cardinals to discuss a proposal from


    Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel
    "Your Holiness", said one of his Cardinals, “Mr. Netanyahu


    wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the

    friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and

    Catholic faiths.”
    The Pope thought this was a good idea, but he had never


    held a golf club in his hand.
    “Don’t we have a Cardinal to represent me?", he asked.

    "None that plays very well," a Cardinal replied. "But, there’s


    a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a

    devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a Cardinal. Then

    ask him to play Mr Netanyahu as your personal representative.

    In addition to showing our spirit of cooperation, we’ll also win

    the match.”
    Everyone agreed it was a good idea.

    The call was made. Of course, Nicklaus was honored and


    agreed to play.
    The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican


    to inform the Pope of the result. “I have some good news

    and some bad news, your Holiness,"said Nicklaus.
    “Tell me the good news first, Cardinal Nicklaus,”


    said the Pope.
    “Well, your Holiness, I don’t like to brag, but even though


    I’ve played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life,

    this was the best I have ever played, by far. I must have

    been inspired from above. My drives were long and true,

    my irons were accurate and purposeful, and my putting was

    perfect. With all due respect, my play was truly miraculous.”
    “There’s bad news?" asked the Pope.

    “Yes, I lost by three strokes to Rabbi Tiger Woods.




















































































  23. #783
    President Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    British Columbia & Arizona
    Posts
    2,622
    : Achmed the Dead Terrorist Goes to Israel | All Over the Map | JEFF DUNHAM


  24. #784
    Silver Hawk Member Studedude's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Perkins, OK, USA.
    Posts
    5,108
    Buzzard's post:

    E
    cumenical Golf
    The Pope and Golf...

    The Pope met with his Cardinals to discuss a proposal from

    Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel:
    "Your Holiness", said one of his Cardinals, “Mr. Netanyahu

    wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the
    friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and
    Catholic faiths.”

    The Pope thought this was a good idea, but he had never

    held a golf club in his hand. “Don’t we have a Cardinal to represent me?,”
    he asked. "None that plays very well," a Cardinal replied. "But, there’s

    a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a
    devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a Cardinal. Then
    ask him to play Mr. Netanyahu as your personal representative.
    In addition to showing our spirit of cooperation, we’ll also win
    the match.”

    Everyone agreed it was a good idea.
    The call was made. Of course, Nicklaus was honored and

    agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican
    to inform the Pope of the result. “I have some good news
    and some bad news, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.
    “Tell me the good news first, Cardinal Nicklaus,”
    said the Pope.

    “Well, your Holiness, I don’t like to brag, but even though

    I’ve played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life,
    this was the best I have ever played, by far. I must have
    been inspired from above. My drives were long and true,
    my irons were accurate and purposeful, and my putting was
    perfect. With all due respect, my play was truly miraculous.”

    “There’s bad news?" asked the Pope.


    “Yes, I lost by three strokes to Rabbi Tiger Woods.

    Dave Lester

  25. #785
    Golden Hawk Member DEEPNHOCK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Ocala, Florida, USA. Planet Earth
    Posts
    18,197
    NEWS - HARLEY DAVIDSON SPEAKS TO DECLINING BIKE SALES

    The reasons for the slump in sales at HD are because apparently
    the Baby-Boomers all have motorcycles.
    Generation X is only buying a few, and the next generation isn't buying any at all.


    A recent study was done to find out why Millennials don't ride motorcycles:

    1. Pants won't pull up far enough for them to straddle the seat.
    2. Can't get their phone to their ear with a helmet on.
    3. Can't use 2 hands to eat while driving.
    4. They don't get a trophy and a recognition plaque just for buying one.
    5. Don't have enough muscle to hold the bike up when stopped.
    6. Might have a bug hit them in the face and then they would need emergency care.
    7. Motorcycles don't have air conditioning.
    8. They can't afford one because they spent 12 years in college trying to get a degree in Humanities, Social Studies
    or Gender Studies for which no jobs are available.
    9. They are allergic to fresh air.
    10. Their pajamas get caught on the exhaust pipes.
    11. They might get their hands dirty checking the oil.
    12. The handle bars have buttons and levers and cannot be controlled by touch-screen.
    13. You have to shift manually and use something called a clutch.
    14. It's too hard to take selfies while riding.
    15. They don't come with training wheels like their bicycles did.
    16. Motorcycles don't have power steering or power brakes.
    17. Their nose ring interferes with the face shield.
    18. They would have to use leg muscle to back up.
    19. When they stop, a light breeze might blow exhaust in their face.
    20. It could rain on them and expose them to non-soft water.
    HTIH (Hope The Info Helps)

    Jeff


    Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Mark Twain



    Note: SDC# 070190 (and earlier...)

  26. #786
    Speedster Member toymobile's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Starke, FL
    Posts
    349

  27. #787
    President Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    British Columbia & Arizona
    Posts
    2,622



    THE BOTTLE OF WINE

    For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married,

    this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:

    Tom was driving home from a business trip in Northern Arizona when he saw an elderly Navajo man

    walking on the side of the road.

    As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he would like a ride.

    With a silent nod of thanks, the man got into the car.

    Resuming the journey, Tom tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo man.

    The old man just sat silently, looking intently at everything he saw, studying every little detail,
    until he noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Tom.

    'What in bag?' asked the old man.

    Tom looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's bottle of wine. I got it for my wife.'

    The Navajo man was silent for another moment or two.

    Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, he said:

    'Good trade.....'




















    THE BOTTLE OF WINE

    For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married,

    this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:

    Tom was driving home from a business trip in Northern Arizona when he saw an elderly Navajo man

    walking on the side of the road.

    As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he would like a ride.

    With a silent nod of thanks, the man got into the car.

    Resuming the journey, Tom tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo man.

    The old man just sat silently, looking intently at everything he saw, studying every little detail,
    until he noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Tom.

    'What in bag?' asked the old man.

    Tom looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's bottle of wine. I got it for my wife.'

    The Navajo man was silent for another moment or two.

    Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, he said:

    'Good trade.....'
















  28. #788
    President Member Gunslinger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Frederick, Maryland, USA.
    Posts
    4,225


    - - - Updated - - -



    - - - Updated - - -



    - - - Updated - - -

    Poet...Mystic...Soldier of Fortune. As always...self-absorbed, adversarial, cocky and in general a malcontent.

Similar Threads

  1. A Studebaker Joke
    By Kenmike2 in forum Tech Talk
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 01-10-2011, 12:15 PM
  2. Marriage joke...referred to on Studebaker Forum
    By Bob Bryant in forum "Stove Huggers" the non-Studebaker Forum
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 02-14-2010, 02:52 PM
  3. Tools - uses explained more clearly, a joke
    By Bullet in forum "Stove Huggers" the non-Studebaker Forum
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 11-12-2009, 09:57 PM
  4. Truly the world's SMALLEST car (not a joke)
    By Johnnywiffer in forum "Stove Huggers" the non-Studebaker Forum
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 01-11-2009, 05:55 PM
  5. What's with battery hold down joke!
    By 14x7 in forum General Studebaker-Specific Discussion
    Replies: 42
    Last Post: 12-23-2007, 11:17 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •