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For sailors past or present

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  • For sailors past or present

    Anyone who has served on a Navy ship will recognize this-

    How to Simulate Being in the Navy:

    1. Buy a steel dumpster, paint it gray inside and out, and live in it for six months.

    2. Run all the pipes and wires in your house exposed on the walls.

    3. Repaint your entire house every month using gray paint.

    4. Renovate your bathroom. Lower all showerheads to four and one-half feet off the deck.

    5. When you take showers, make sure you turn off the water while you soap down.

    6. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, turn water heater temperature up to 300 degrees. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, turn water heater off.

    7. On Saturdays and Sundays tell your family they used too much water during the week, so no bathing will be allowed.

    8. Put 5W-20 lube oil in your humidifier instead of water, and set it on high.

    9. Leave your lawn mower running in your living room 24 hours a day to maintain proper ambient noise level.

    10. Once a month, COMPLETELY disassemble all your major appliances and electric garden tools, inspect them and then reassemble them wrong. Do this every week with your lawnmower, weed whacker and other gasoline powered tools too.

    11. Once a week blow compressed air up through your chimney, making sure the wind carries the soot across and onto your neighbor's house. Laugh at him when he curses you.

    12. Raise the thresholds and lower the headers of your front and back doors, so that you either trip or bang your head every time you pass through them.

    13. Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling, so you can't turn over without getting out and then getting back in.

    14. Have a fluorescent lamp installed on the bottom of your coffee table and lie under it to read books.

    15. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Have your spouse whip open the curtain about 4 hours after you go to sleep, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and say "Sorry, wrong rack."

    16. Make each member your family qualify to operate each appliance in your house i.e., dishwasher operator, blender technician, stove vent fan specialist, etc.

    17. Find the absolute dumbest guy in the neighborhood and make him your boss for the next two years.

    18. Have a neighbor come over each day at 5 am, blow a whistle so loud Helen Keller could hear it, and shout "Reveille, reveille, all hands heave out."

    19. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in your back yard at 6 A.M. while she reads it to you.

    20. Empty all the garbage bins in your house and sweep the driveway four times a day, whether it needs it or not.

    21. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item before delivering it to you.

    22. Watch no TV except for movies played in the middle of the night. Have your family vote on which movie to watch, and then show a different one.

    23. When your children are in bed, run into their room with a megaphone shouting that your home is under attack and ordering them to their battle stations.

    24. Post a menu on the kitchen door informing your family that they are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for an hour. When they finally get to the kitchen, tell them you are out of steak, but they can have dried ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they ignore the menu and just ask for hot dogs.

    25. Get up every night around midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread.

    26. Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. At the alarm, jump up and dress as fast as you can, making sure to button your top shirt button and tuck your pants into your socks. Run out into the back yard and uncoil the garden hose and coil it back up.

    27. Make coffee using eighteen scoops of budget priced coffee grounds per pot, and allow the pot to simmer for 5 hours before drinking.

    28. When there is a thunderstorm in your area, get a wobbly rocking chair, sit in it and rock as hard as you can until you become nauseous.

    29. Walk around your car for 4 hours checking the tire pressure every 15 minutes.

    30. Have the paperboy give you a haircut with your hedge shears.
    Paul Johnson, Wild and Wonderful West Virginia.
    '64 Daytona Wagonaire, '64 Avanti R-1, Museum R-4 engine, '72 Gravely Model 430 with Onan engine

  • #2
    Yup- most of those sound about right...
    StudeDave '57
    US Navy (retired)

    3rd Generation Stude owner/driver
    SDC Member since 1985

    past President
    Whatcom County Chapter SDC
    San Diego Chapter SDC

    past Vice President
    San Diego Chapter SDC
    North Florida Chapter SDC


    • #3
      Wonderful memories!!!
      64 GT Hawk (K7)
      1970 Avanti (R3)


      • #4
        I would add - assemble your entire family at random times and have everyone walk around in a large circle while you shout through a megaphone "Man overboard, man overboard, this is a drill, man overboard". Do this for 15 minutes and then announce "Drill complete. All hands present" and send everyone away.
        I wrote a book about a six month Mediterranean cruise I was on titled "A Sailor's Diary" that was based on a log I kept during the cruise. If you did not serve in the Navy (or even if you did) or go on an extended cruise it is a good read. It is available from Amazon Books and other sources. (Shameless plug).
        Last edited by Commander Eddie; 02-27-2016, 11:48 AM.
        Ed Sallia
        Dundee, OR

        Sol Lucet Omnibus


        • #5
          Thanks Paul,
          I needed to remember that! Kind of puts things into perspective.
          George Rohrbach


          • #6
            If you were in the Navy on a ship with, "embarked troops", I am sure you have lots of memories. To Sailors on ship, all embarked Marines are "Grunts", LOL.

            I recall once, aboard an LST/LPD/LSD (cannot recall which) seeing a Sailor almost fall to his death through a trap door in the catwalk, into the well deck below. Someone had left the trap door open, and had not strung the safety chains/barriers across the catwalk. It was about dusk, and he was walking along and suddenly disappeared; a second later, we heard screaming; he was danging by his jacket, which caught on the edge of the catwalk deck. A couple of Marines ran to his rescue. Upon pulling him up, and setting him back on his feet, he stormed off, mumbling about, "dumb f'n grunts".

            In all likelihood he was right, it was probably Marines going in and out of the well deck where the tanks and other Marine equipment was located. I seriously doubt a Sailor woulda done something as stupid as forget the safety chains. LOL
            Last edited by JoeHall; 02-28-2016, 09:42 AM.


            • #7
              Gee I can hardfly stop laughing ! ! !
              Just came back from 6 weeks on my own tug & I must say I don't find 60 cm high thresholds a problem.
              & having water-pipes & electric wires inside the wall I actually find silly, so in our house I'm not the agreeing one.

              Champion V8
              4d sedan


              • #8
                Never been in the navy, but do appreciate a good laugh.



                • #9
                  I'm glad I was in the Army. Wait a minute! It wasn't any better.
                  '59 Lark VI Regal Hardtop
                  Recording Secretary, Long Island Studebaker Club


                  • #10
                    In August, 1954 I crossed the Atlantic on the troop ship USS Butner and it was a decent ride. In February, 1956 I returned on the USS Taylor which was the smallest troop ship they had. The North Sea was nasty coming out of Bremerhaven and we were rocking and a rolling and ice was pounding on the hull. About 90% of the troops were very ill, but the sailors did fine and were amused at the land-lubbers! I love boating and have spent many wonderful hours on the water, but when friends suggest going on a cruise I can't get interested. I guess I like being in charge of my own boat!
                    "Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional." author unknown


                    • #11
                      Number 11. "Request permission to blow tubes". Those poor deck apes the next morning, especially 2nd Division. Midships aft always got the worst of it.


                      • #12


                        • #13
                          I remember my dad telling me about being on a troop ship in WW2 heading for the Tinian Islands from India when they got caught in a typhoon for several days. He said they closed all the troops up below decks and he could hear the props speed up when they hit a big wave.He said he had never been so scared in his life.


                          • #14
                            I was on Delta, AR-9. Steered her to WesPac. After that I lived on Euryale, AS-22. These were identical ships, having been originally built as Matson Line cargo ships. Unlike Jason, Ajax, Hector, Vulcan, etc. that were specifically built as tenders.
                            There used to be a saying "Once in ServPac, always in ServPac".