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My type of humor

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  • My type of humor

    Sent to me, tweaked slightly for the forum:

    1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.



    2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."




    3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.




    4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.




    5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."




    6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"




    7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."

    "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
    "Is it common?"
    "Well, It's Not Unusual."



    8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."

    "I don't believe you," says Dolly.
    "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.



    9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.




    10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.




    11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.




    12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

    Thedoctor replied, "I know, I amputated your arms!"



    13. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel..




    14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.




    15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"




    16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.




    17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.

    "But why," they asked, as they moved off
    "Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."



    18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him 'Juan'

    Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."



    19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ... a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.




    20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.




    21. And finally, there was the person who posted the twenty different puns on the forum for his Studebaker friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

  • #2
    Made me laugh, thanks for making my day a little lighter.

    Comment


    • #3
      Thanks Bob ...
      sigpic
      John
      63R-2386
      Resto-Mod by Michael Myer

      Comment


      • #4
        More than one in ten did!
        "All attempts to 'rise above the issue' are simply an excuse to avoid it profitably." --Dick Gregory

        Brad Johnson, SDC since 1975, ASC since 1990
        Pine Grove Mills, Pa.
        sigpic'33 Rockne 10, '51 Commander Starlight, '53 Commander Starlight "Désirée"

        Comment


        • #5
          Made me laugh. Thank you.
          Gary Sanders
          Nixa, MO

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by bams50 View Post

            4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

            That reminds me...

            Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic?
            He wasn't sure if he believed in dogs.
            63 Avanti R1 2788
            1914 Stutz Bearcat
            (George Barris replica)

            Washington State

            Comment


            • #7
              Thanks, Bob. Even though it is mostly old, I enjoyed them. I need some humor this month.
              Gary L.
              Wappinger, NY

              SDC member since 1968
              Studebaker enthusiast much longer

              Comment


              • #8
                Cringe! I have heard most of them, and they are all worth repeating! A couple sound like Stephen Wright jokes.
                Chip
                '63 Cruiser
                '57 Packard wagon
                '61 Lark Regal 4 dr wagon
                '50 Commander 4 dr sedan

                Comment


                • #9
                  Groan!!! I know, I know, you be here all this week. Bada boom! Rim shot.
                  Rog
                  '59 Lark VI Regal Hardtop
                  Smithtown,NY
                  Recording Secretary, Long Island Studebaker Club

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    A guy walks into an empty bar, takes a seat then hears a voice, 'Nice Shirt'. He looks around but can't see anyone. Then the voice says, 'Nice Shoes'. The guy still can't see anyone. The bar tender comes in from out the back and the guys say, 'hey, I keep hearing voices, the bartender asks 'what sort of voices', the guy says it said I had a nice shirt and nice shoes'. Oh, the bartender says, 'that will be the nuts, they're complimentary'.
                    Last edited by Aussie Hawk; 06-17-2010, 03:05 PM.
                    Matt
                    Brisbane
                    Australia
                    sigpic

                    Visit my Blog: http://www.mattsoilyrag.blogspot.com.au/

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                    • #11
                      Celine Dion walks into a bar, and the bartender sez.....




                      ..."Why the long face?"
                      Ron Dame
                      '63 Champ

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        My type of humor

                        and my favorite:

                        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgByS5v16Fw
                        Ron Dame
                        '63 Champ

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I can expand upon JBoyle's pun (maximizing potential bad taste) ---

                          Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?


                          He would lay awake nights wondering if there was a dog.
                          Jim K.
                          63 Hawk

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Lol! Very good. I didn't know this was going to turn into a joke thread, but it's pretty cool!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              What does DNA stand for?
                              To most it stands for 'deoxyribonucleic acid'
                              Nope...
                              National Dyslexia Association





                              Originally posted by bams50
                              4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
                              HTIH (Hope The Info Helps)

                              Jeff


                              Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Mark Twain



                              Note: SDC# 070190 (and earlier...)

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