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  • A woman goes to a counselor, worried about her husband’s temper.



    The counselor asks, "What's the problem?


    The woman says, "I don't know what to do. Every day my husband loses his temper for no reason. It scares me."



    The Counselor says, "I have a cure for that. When it seems your husband is getting angry, take a double shot of Jack Daniel's bourbon and swish it in your mouth. Swish and swish, but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."



    Two weeks later, she goes back to the counselor, looking fresh and reborn.


    She tells the counselor, "That was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband started to get angry, I swished the Jack Daniels and he would start to calm down. It was amazing!What is it about Jack Daniels that makes it work like that?



    The counselor said, "The Jack Daniel's does nothing. Keeping your mouth shut is the trick.









    A woman goes to a counselor, worried about her husband’s temper.



    The counselor asks, "What's the problem?


    The woman says, "I don't know what to do. Every day my husband loses his temper for no reason. It scares me."



    The Counselor says, "I have a cure for that. When it seems your husband is getting angry, take a double shot of Jack Daniel's bourbon and swish it in your mouth. Swish and swish, but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."



    Two weeks later, she goes back to the counselor, looking fresh and reborn.


    She tells the counselor, "That was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband started to get angry, I swished the Jack Daniels and he would start to calm down. It was amazing!What is it about Jack Daniels that makes it work like that?



    The counselor said, "The Jack Daniel's does nothing. Keeping your mouth shut is the trick.








    Comment


    • Nope, didn't work with the Ctrl button this time, just made the whole page smaller.
      Keeps me of the streets thou...
      sigpic

      Josephine
      -55
      Champion V8
      4d sedan

      Comment


      • A woman goes to a counselor, worried about her husband’s temper.

        The counselor asks, "What's the problem?

        The woman says, "I don't know what to do. Every day my husband loses his temper for no reason. It scares me."

        The Counselor says, "I have a cure for that. When it seems your husband is getting angry, take a double shot of Jack Daniel's bourbon and swish it in your mouth. Swish and swish, but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."

        Two weeks later, she goes back to the counselor, looking fresh and reborn.

        She tells the counselor, "That was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband started to get angry, I swished the Jack Daniels and he would start to calm down. It was amazing!What is it about Jack Daniels that makes it work like that?

        The counselor said, "The Jack Daniel's does nothing. Keeping your mouth shut is the trick.


        sigpic
        Dave Lester

        Comment


        • Archie Bunker's Editorial on Gun Control


          https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-lDb0Dn8OXE

          Comment


          • Poet...Mystic...Soldier of Fortune. As always...self-absorbed, adversarial, cocky and in general a malcontent.

            Comment


            • Lying around, pondering the problems of the world,
              I realized that, at my age, Idon't really give a rat's butt anymore.

              If walking is good for your health, the mailman would be immortal.

              A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but is still fat.

              A rabbit runs, and hops, and only lives 15 years,

              while a tortoise doesn't run, and does mostly nothing,
              yet it lives for 150 years.
              And they tell us to exercise? I don't think so.

              Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:

              1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

              2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

              3. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

              4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

              5. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?

              6. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.

              7. Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant.

              8. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few ofthem.

              9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

              10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

              11. It is hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

              12. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.

              13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

              14. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

              15. It is not hard to meet expenses . . . They're everywhere.

              16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

              17. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .

              I go somewhere to get something,and then wonder what I'm "here after."

              18. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

              19. It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.

              20. Have I sent this message to you before...or did I get it from you?

              Comment


              • I’m not about to go all the way back and check to see if this has been posted before

                Old Farmer's Advice:

                -Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
                -Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
                -Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
                -A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
                -Words that soak into your ears are whispered... not yelled.
                -Meanness don't just happen overnight.
                -Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
                -Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
                It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
                -You cannot unsay a cruel word.
                -Every path has a few puddles.
                -When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
                -The best sermons are lived, not preached.
                -Most of the stuff people worry about, ain't never gonna happen anyway.
                -Don't judge folks by their relatives.
                -Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
                -Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
                -Don't interfere with something' that ain't bothering you none.
                -Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
                -If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
                -Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
                -The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you from the mirror every morning'.
                -Good judgment comes from experience and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
                -Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
                -If you get to thinking' you're a person of some influence, try ordering' somebody else's dog around.
                -Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and enjoy the ride.
                -Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just shoot you!
                Proud NON-CASO

                I do not prize the word "cheap." It is not a badge of honor...it is a symbol of despair. ~ William McKinley

                If it is decreed that I should go down, then let me go down linked with the truth - let me die in the advocacy of what is just and right.- Lincoln

                GOD BLESS AMERICA

                Ephesians 6:10-17
                Romans 15:13
                Deuteronomy 31:6
                Proverbs 28:1

                Illegitimi non carborundum

                Comment


                • Originally posted by Bob Andrews View Post
                  Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just shoot you!
                  Beware the old man in a world where men die young.
                  Poet...Mystic...Soldier of Fortune. As always...self-absorbed, adversarial, cocky and in general a malcontent.

                  Comment


                  • An 80-year-old Italian




                    Russ Buttacovoli, an 80-year-old Italian, goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, 'How do you stay in such great physical condition?'

                    I'm Italian and I am a golfer,' says Russ, 'and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a glass of vino, and all is well.'




                    "'Well' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your Father when he died?

                    "Who said he was dead?"

                    The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your Father's still alive. How old is he?'

                    'He's 100 years old,' says Russ. 'In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had a little vino and that's why he's still alive. He's Italian and he's a golfer, too.'

                    'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Father's Father? How old was he when he died?'

                    'Who said my Nonno's dead?'

                    Stunned, the doctor asks, 'You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! Incredible, how old is he?'




                    'He's 118 years old,' says the Old Italian golfer.

                    The doctor is getting frustrated at this point,
                    'So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?'

                    'No, Nonno couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today.'

                    At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married? Why would a 118 year- old guy want to get married?'

                    'Who said he wanted to?
                    Poet...Mystic...Soldier of Fortune. As always...self-absorbed, adversarial, cocky and in general a malcontent.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by Buzzard View Post
                      Archie Bunker's Editorial on Gun Control


                      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-lDb0Dn8OXE
                      Carroll O'Connor reveled in poking fun at the ill-informed.
                      "All attempts to 'rise above the issue' are simply an excuse to avoid it profitably." --Dick Gregory

                      Brad Johnson, SDC since 1975, ASC since 1990
                      Pine Grove Mills, Pa.
                      sigpic'33 Rockne 10, '51 Commander Starlight, '53 Commander Starlight "Désirée"

                      Comment


                      • A manager in a grocery store watches a pretty blonde as she walks up and down every aisle in the store...searching each shelf...she becomes obviously distraught and begins to cry.

                        He approaches and asks if she's ok.

                        She replies:
                        "I just got married three weeks ago and my husband raves and raves about the muffins his mother made from scratch. I've searched every store in a twenty mile area and I CAN'T FIND SCRATCH ANYWHERE!"
                        Poet...Mystic...Soldier of Fortune. As always...self-absorbed, adversarial, cocky and in general a malcontent.

                        Comment


                        • Feeling it was time for a shakeup, the company hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall.
                          The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"
                          A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?"
                          The CEO said, "Wait right here."
                          He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."
                          Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"
                          From across the room a voice said, "Delivered us pizza from Domino's ?."
                          "Every man I meet on the street is superior to me in some respect, and from that I can learn."
                          R.W. Emerson

                          Comment


                          • A good nurse with a
                            sense of humor is hard to find!

                            JUST THINK!! WE <ALL> NEED A WEE BIT OF A SMILE EVERY NOW & THEN ~~GO AHEAD & SMILE~~ FUNNY EH?





                            A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an
                            inflamed appendix.




                            The doctors operated and advised him that all was
                            okay, however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his
                            crotch.




                            Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't
                            told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up
                            enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.




                            Taped
                            firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of
                            adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all.







                            Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon,
                            from the nurse in the Ford Explorer you pulled over last week."

                            Kind of brings tears to your eyes
                            doesn't it?

                            Comment


                            • More police humor...full disclosure...I was a cop and my wife is an attorney.

                              A police officer makes a traffic stop and approaches the offender. "License and registration, please."

                              The driver gets all disrespectful and abusive towards the officer. The officer takes it and takes his time filling out the citation and hands it to the driver, along with his license and registration.

                              The driver asks gruffly "What's this "AH" you have handwritten in the margins of the ticket?"

                              The officer states "If you take this to court which is your right, it's to remind me you were an a$$hole.

                              The driver gets even more offended and swears he'll be taking it to court.

                              When the court day comes around the offender is there with his expensive attorney. The officer testifies regarding the traffic stop. The attorney asks the officer "Officer...what is this "AH" in the margins and what does it mean?"

                              The officer replies calmly..."Counselor...that's my shorthand for reminding me the driver was aggressive and hostile to me during the traffic stop."

                              Lawyer..."Are you sure is doesn't the driver is an a$$hole."

                              Officer..."Well, Sir...you know your client better than I do."
                              Poet...Mystic...Soldier of Fortune. As always...self-absorbed, adversarial, cocky and in general a malcontent.

                              Comment


                              • Guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, line me up eight shots of your best bourbon! So the bartender pours them and he starts throwing them back one right after another. Bartender says Gee, buddy, you’re sure drinking those fast, what’s going on? The guy says well if you had what I had, you’d be drinking them fast too. The bartender says oh my God, what do you have? The guy says… only $.75
                                Last edited by Bob Andrews; 06-14-2019, 11:16 AM.
                                Proud NON-CASO

                                I do not prize the word "cheap." It is not a badge of honor...it is a symbol of despair. ~ William McKinley

                                If it is decreed that I should go down, then let me go down linked with the truth - let me die in the advocacy of what is just and right.- Lincoln

                                GOD BLESS AMERICA

                                Ephesians 6:10-17
                                Romans 15:13
                                Deuteronomy 31:6
                                Proverbs 28:1

                                Illegitimi non carborundum

                                Comment

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